Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
