I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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