sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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