she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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