please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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