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Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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