Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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