Someone shit on the floor
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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