i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
