I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize