why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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