I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
