four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
