You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
i've created a new STD.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize