I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize