the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
