VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
