We need to rekindle our bromance
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
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