She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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