he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
