no, he came in my armpit
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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