well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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