It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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