if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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