I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
