cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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