Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
