I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
