i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
