a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize