i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
