Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
