ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
