You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
