Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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