I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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