It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
