Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
