And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
this hospital has no fireball
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
