i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
