So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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