a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize