Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
