Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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