I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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