So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize