We won't sleep together?
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You can't special order awesome
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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