I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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