i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
