Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
