y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
