my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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