so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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