I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
