I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
