I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
