This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
