Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
i've created a new STD.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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