Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
