what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
