I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
