This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
