Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
