I just threw up on my dentist
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
sex in a hospital.. check
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
