the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
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Do I have a choice?
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I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
