is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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