Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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