HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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