Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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