the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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