The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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