You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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