Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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