Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
