Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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