I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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