I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
