so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
