Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
