So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
