he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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