Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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