And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
