It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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