drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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