was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
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