So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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