Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I think people are normalizing furries
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
