it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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