I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
