guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
