So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
