Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
