if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
