dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Dignity is for republicans.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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